Dear Sanctimommies,

I know, I know... you've had a child and you totally know what you're talking about.  However, this is my pregnancy and while I might ask your advice I don't want it unwarranted on things that are quite frankly none of your business.

First, coffee.  Why yes, I do drink it.  In fact, I might even have coffee or tea every day on a good week.  But I'm also these two things called well read and educated.  I know how much coffee (not just in cups, but in mg of caffeine) I should be able to have a day.  I don't tend to exceed that.  My kid seems to like caffeine and will probably be drinking it from an early age (mostly milk) just like I did.  No, it clearly didn't stunt the growth of myself or my siblings.  And hey, I'm even taking extra folic acid to insure even my small caffeine use doesn't hurt my child's development.  So back. the. hell. off.

Wine.  Oh yes, the one thing that will get your dirty looks quicker than you can finish ordering a glass.  This is a debatable topic, but I don't feel like debating you.  Suffice to say, I feel comfortable having a small glass every blue moon.  I abstained entirely my first tri-mester (when the beautiful brain is really forming), and have since hitting my second trimester had a few small glasses.  My husband and I plan to celebrate his homecoming with a glass of very nice champagne.  Just be glad that I'm not drinking the grey goose in the freezer!  I would just about kill for a bloody mary right about now, and am trying to figure out the best way to make a virgin version of mine.

If all goes well, I plan to have a natural birth, and be headed home in less than 6 hours after doing so.  I'm glad you loved your epidural.  But if you'd like to avoid a lecture on drugs and why they aren't a good thing I suggest you stop suggesting that I'm going to want them.  I may indeed, but I'm stubborn, and it's highly doubtful I'll actually asked to be transferred to a hospital to get them.

I think what I love most is that you guys come at me from both sides.  The crunchy ones are glad I'm planning to cloth diaper, breastfeed, stay home, and babywear, but holy hell, why am I not co-sleeping until they're 10?!?  The modern ones are thrilled I'm standing up for my rights as a mother, but holy hell how can I possibly give up my life and independence and not work and am I insane not birthing in a hospital?!?

I respect your right to parent as you see fit within the boundaries of the law.  If you ask my opinion I'll give it, but otherwise, to each their own.  So please grant me that same courtesy unless you'd like me to quit extending it as well. 

Love,
Moi