Thursday, April 28, 2011

World Famous

Petit Escargot,

Well, the secret is out.  And you're world famous!  Even our favorite tea room in England congratulated us.  (Someday Mama will make you scones with clotted cream and jam and we'll drink tea.) 

I got to see you yesterday.  Kicking and dancing.  I am certain you are having a good ol' time in there!

We can't wait to meet you!


Sunday, April 24, 2011

Thump Thump

This Tuesday I go to see the doctor again.  I'm far enough along (10 weeks by conception date) that we should be able to hear a strong heartbeat.  I'm planning to film it so that G can see it. 

I'm so excited and nervous and just still in awe of this whole thing.  I love that this baby was a complete surprise.  No worries, no waiting for a positive test only to have it be negative, only absolute and beautiful joy.  I will someday tell this child about how they were the best surprise their parents ever were given. 

So I'm looking forward to hearing the heart that I carry underneath my own.  Strong and steady.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Dear Little Escargot,

You are making your mama very, very tired.  Things that used to be nothing (like baking a cake) have suddenly become an ordeal.  But I'm sure you'll make up for it when you get here and can "help" me make cakes. 

Your daddy and I were talking yesterday and I told him that when I imagine you I think of a little snail munching on lettuce.  He said it was cute and said, "munch, munch, munch."  I told him that no, you were a very little snail and it was more like, "nibble, nibble, nibble." 

We're hoping to hear your heartbeat next week.  Most people say it sounds like horses galloping, but I think it will sound like, "nibble, nibble, nibble." 

You just keep growing big and strong baby.  Mama doesn't mind naps in the least.


Friday, April 15, 2011


I had finally accepted that biological children just may not be in the cards for us.  And I was perfectly fine with that mostly.  Adoption wasn't a back-up option.  It's something I've always felt called to, and when I spoke to G about it, he was right on board.  Our hearts long to take in the world's children, and someday we'll make that happen. 

However, I had gone through a little mourning.  I wanted to breastfeed and wear the baby around the house and I knew adoption wouldn't make the first possible, and the latter would depend on the child's age mainly.  I accepted that I would never get that new baby smell, the itty bitty clothes.  But I also knew that any child comes with great rewards and that the excitement of the adoption would be no less exciting (or stressful) than a pregnancy. 

Then suddenly those options are back on the table.  I get to get excited about learning about breastfeeding.  I get to research the best newborn stuff.  I look at slings and see G and I at the farmer's market next summer with a baby.  I have vintage knit baby things that I can now pull out and handwash again to prepare. 

Maybe that's where God met me.  Not when I was down on my knees crying out.  But when I said okay to not being in control.  When I said yes to the idea of trying to adopt (because it's something I'm afraid of being so messy).  Because I heard Him and instead of fighting took the road of acceptance that things are not in my time.  I guess He just wanted to remind me that it is all in His time. 

And really, I'm okay with His timing. :)

Thursday, April 14, 2011

My Petite Escargot,

I cannot wait to hold you at church.  To slowly teach you about how you are a child of God.  To hear you sing songs and teach you to pray.  But mostly to teach you the most important lesson of all:  that God loves you no matter what just because you're you.

Daddy and I are so excited to do this.  He calls you our little miracle and we talk excitedly about the Christmas and Easter seasons.  Teaching you about this man called Jesus and why we celebrate his birth and death.  I'm guessing you'll teach us more about Jesus than we could teach you.  We know for sure that our hearts are expanding in our capacity for love rather rapidly because of you.

You are the answer to the prayer I was afraid to pray.  You are the deepest wish of my heart that I was afraid to whisper.  If anything I hope to teach you to not be afraid, to cry out and say aloud what your dreams are.  Because God already knows them.  That's why he gave us you!


Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Things I Am Loving

* Getting weird looks for my food habits.  Why yes I am eating a hamburger and french fries that I'm washing down with hot cocoa.  No, not just because I'm pregnant.  I happen to always eat odd things.

* Being able to give myself a break when my kitchen looks like something exploded.  I made buttermilk biscuits.  That flour on the counter will probably be there overnight.  Eh.  Whatever.

* Getting to have this time where the husband and I are all giddy and chatty about everything.  Our little snail has caused us to have to rearrange some major plans over this next year (like types of college courses and a trip to Paris).  So worth it. 

* Laughing at names.  I vetoed Alice.  I brought up that it made me think of maids and trippy Disney films.  Strangely I just realized that both characters wear blue dresses and aprons.  Creepy.

* Being on my own schedule.  I can eat and sleep whenever I want, and I think the escargot likes that just fine.  

* Having this time to myself.  I'm in that "I don't look pregnant" phase.  And while some might wish they were showing, I'm reveling in walking around with the secret of it.  It feels like those cup handed whispers of my youth only just between my body and me. 

Things I Like To Eat

* Fruit: bananas, kiwi, grapefruit, apples, grapes galore

* Heinz baked beans....I'm eating it by the canful (which thankfully is 300 calories, so I'm at least getting calories somewhere).

* String cheese

* Pickles

* Milk, milk, and more milk

* Water with a splash of black cherry juice

* Chai tea latte

* Soup (thanks to my Monday group)

Sounds limiting.  I've eaten hamburgers which never stay down.  I roasted a chicken last week and it's getting disassembled and frozen because it is uneatable right now.  I am thinking of making pasta with a tomato sauce tonight.  Something simple, healthy and yummy.  Maybe adding a bit of roasted chicken and a side of steamed broccoli.  I'm trying my best to be a good shell for this little one.  Taking care of the baby has helped to remind me to take care of myself.

*EDIT*  Decided to skip the pasta tonight and do fresh salmon roasted with a little lime juice and sea salt with a side of steamed broccoli.  Surprisingly delicious.  I have enough salmon for the rest of the week!  (Bought about 12 oz. which is the max I should be eating in a week.)

Monday, April 11, 2011

My Petite Escargot,

I love you already.  I get butterflies even just thinking about you and the idea of you coming into being.  I'm looking forward to you growing big and strong, to looking like I'm carrying you.  I know that your daddy and I are going to be so excited to just feel you kick and read you bed time stories and sing to you.  (I apologize ahead of time for your daddy....he can sing, he just needs more training.) 

So far we know that you're a little cautious when it comes to the spicy stuff, so clearly you take after your daddy.  That's all right.  I'm okay with a cautious child, really.  However I am proud to say that I'm hoping my voracious inability to eat enough fruit means you're getting at least some of your food habits from me.

So, yes, you're the size of a jellybean really.  But as your grandmother reminded me, Dr. Seuss wrote, "A person's a person no matter how small."  And you indeed are a very important person, little one.


Sunday, April 10, 2011

On Patience

I'm famous for not having any.  I try really hard.  I do.  I just suck at waiting for anything I'm looking forward to.  And G?  He's already saying, "I can't wait until November."  To him, it's even better than Christmas.  He is so ready to be a daddy and I feel incredibly lucky to finally be able to give him that.

But really, I am having the hardest time waiting.  I keep telling myself, "No buying anything until the second trimester."  And all of the big things I'll wait to buy until G comes home.  We're not really into having a lot for a kid, and in fact the baby will be sleeping in a pack n play (the bassinet part) next to our bed to start to make nighttime feedings easier.  So a crib for us won't be necessary for the first few months.

There are things we'll have to do to prepare.  G's grandmother's rocking chair is in our basement.  I thought it would be a while until we had a reason to bring it out.  But now we're talking about sending it off to the upholstery place to have the seat and back recovered.  We're not touching the wood because the arms are warm where she placed hers as she rocked grandbabies.  I love knowing the chair has a history.

We've already got enough 4 oz. glass bottles for one baby (thanks to freecycle).  They'll work with the Medela pump so that G can feed the baby sometimes.  I also plan to keep some on hand in case I get ill and can't get up to do the feedings.  I'm a precautionary plan-aheader. (As in, I've already decided we need to get a small deep freezer for the basement so that I can stock it and our regular freezer with casseroles and pancakes and such so that we don't starve when I don't have the energy to cook with a newborn.)

But now I'm just itching to do things like take knitting and crochet classes.  I want to knit booties and crochet a blanket.  Not that we need any more baby blankets (though I'm sure we'll end up with a ton more), but because it's something I can make that our child can later use with their own child.  I've begun pulling up the projects such as cloth baby shoes and baby blocks so that I can get ready for when I have a little more energy.

Patience is hard, but I am going to take these months and enjoy them.  I'm letting myself nap when I'm tired.  If I feel like just being a lazy girl and not doing much I don't make plans.  I let myself eat when I'm hungry, because other times the idea of food repulses me.  I stack the deck with lots of fresh fruit and lightly cooked veggies.  I drink plenty of water and milk.  I'm using these months to grow this baby to the best of my abilities.  Because I have never been happier.  I feel like I have just what I've been wanting, even if I didn't realize it.  My little two person family will be a three person family by Christmas, and that is soon enough for me!

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Rip Van Winkle Ain't Got Nothing On Me

I could sleep all day every day.  Growing a person is exhausting work!  I come home and tell myself just an hour nap and suddenly it's 4 hours later and it's dark outside.  I'm falling asleep on the computer talking to G in the afternoons.  It's ridiculous.

But at the same time, sleep just sounds like the perfect idea.  And if it means that my body is taking that time to recharge and grow this little escargot inside of me, I am all for it.  Grow baby grow!

*Oh, and G, yes I fell asleep.  But I'm happy to report that right now the nausea seems to have lessened.  A fact that makes me nervous, but since some foods still disgust me, I figure that's good enough!

Friday, April 8, 2011

I'm Just A Pregnant Military Spouse

Don't mind me.  I don't even look pregnant yet.  And if it weren't for the nausea, sore breasts, constant need to pee, and exhaustion I wouldn't believe it either.  It feels surreal.  No one expects to wave their husband goodbye, to send him to Iraq, and then 5 weeks later be calling him to tell him, "Guess what?  I'm pregnant." 

G is ecstatic.  We both are.  It's an awe-inspiring, thrilling time that makes me fascinated how God works.  Apparently he was a little unsure as to what was taking us so long, so hey, why not give her a cyst to boost those chances.  Well, boost them it did! 

Right now the baby is the size of a blueberry and though seeing the heartbeat is impressive, it's otherwise a blob on the screen.  Still, I'm in love.  This was an extremely happy surprise.  We weren't sure kids were in the cards for us, biologically, so we're just shocked in a good way.  And it's fun.  We keep saying, "Oh my goodness, we're going to be parents by Christmas!"  I cannot wait to sit in the quiet of the house under our huge tree watching this little life begin. 

G will be back right as I'm hitting the third trimester.  Just in time to baby me and make sure I'm taken care of when I'm too big and too tired to move.  Particularly to keep me stocked up on pickles....something I normally eat too much of, but which I've even impressed myself with....when I ate nearly an entire jar yesterday.  I could. not. stop.  That and grapes.  I've eaten pounds of grapes. 

So this blog is here to document the journey of being a wife, pregnant for the first time with a husband on the other side of the world.  I knew I'd carry his heart.  But I never guessed I'd be carrying an extra right beneath!