Monday, October 31, 2011

Our bags are packed and we're ready to go...

Well, not really.  I still have a small list of items I really need to pick up tomorrow since we're on baby watch 2011.  Little Miss could be here any day within the next few weeks.  And I need things like a cheap sports bra (to wear in the birthing tub), a nursing tank (to wear home...I'm pretty much sticking to the one nursing bra I won a while back until I can figure out what size I'll need), and a few medical items.  Other than that, the diaper bag has everything needed in it from tiny little cloth diapers and her going home sleeper to a couple burp cloths and a swaddle blanket. 

She's going to be here so soon, and G's eyes light up all the time now.  He's so excited for her to get here, it's like a child waiting for Christmas (this is so not an exaggeration, I can picture him as a little boy after this experience).  And I'm loving it.  She's rolling about right now, and I try and imagine what sort of baby she'll be like.  Will she like tight spaces and being wrapped up tightly like her daddy and I do?  Will she make funny faces in her sleep? 

It's hard to imagine this whole "becoming parents" thing. G used that term last night and I freaked out a little because it sound so serious...and this was as we were shaking our rears around the kitchen making apple pie.  I laughed because I think that if someone saw us acting so goofy and like little kids they would surely never give us a child.  And as I was thinking that G says, "I just hope she realizes how lucky she is to have us as parents."  He's right.  We're silly and playful and love on each other constantly...not a bad thing to see growing up. 

So we wait.  My stomach tightens even more than normal (if that's even possible at this point) with Braxton-Hicks contractions.  My body is changing.  I am getting a waist slowly but surely as she eases downward, while other bits of me seem to be filling out more.  Jen comments yesterday that you still can't tell I'm pregnant from behind.  But from the front it's a definite "whoa."  Women in check-outs (grandmotherly types) fawn over me and remind me to get plenty of rest.  And I'm trying to.  I'm trying to slow down and just get a bit more sleep, but I've never been one for much of that. 

She could be here tomorrow or Black Friday.  The photographer has been booked for the week after Thanksgiving, so I'm hoping for sooner rather than later, since with the holidays re-scheduling is such a pain.  I want to capture her in all her little bits of beauty that belong to newborns.  I want to remember these moments and be able to look back at what has been a most wonderful time. 

Monday, October 24, 2011

Personal Choices

I've been getting formula from Enfamil this whole last trimester.  So far I have 3 small cans of their newborn formula and 1 of their gentlease (for upset tummies I think).  And while we've kept them, just sort of stockpiling them, I kind of want them out of our home.  I firmly believe that it is my job to provide her with nutrients (and honestly, eating the way I tend to, it is the best option for a variety of vitamins and nutrients). 

I don't preach to others.  If you don't want to breastfeed, I say stockpile that formula as best you can and good luck.  For myself, the expense seems ridiculous, but for others they don't want to do it for whatever reason.  And then there are people who can't or have difficulties.  I know the statistics for that, and while some rabid women will argue them until they are blue in the face, the reality is that it's a personal choice, and even if a mother is lying to herself or others, it's probably because she doesn't want any crap.  So just leave her alone.

But then, I've also felt the pressure to sort of have back-up plans for everything.  From feeding, to diapering, even to birth.  Today G and I were discussing what to do if I say I want drugs while in labor.  I've told him to go so far as to lie about it being too late, though really his job is to simply encourage me that I can do it.  So today he asked at what point should he stop encouraging and get me the drugs.  I laughed and said, "Once it's too late."  The reality is, he knows me better than anyone and will be able to tell if I'm simply in momentary pain and that's what's talking or if I really am at the point where I just can't do it anymore. 

I'm the same about cloth diapering.  We've been researching for 4 years while we planned our family.  We have a variety of types to try, and we've educated ourselves about using them, washing them, etc, etc.  We simply donate the diapers we're given because I don't want a backup plan.  For breastfeeding I don't want the possibility of getting to the end of my rope and simply going and fixing a bottle.  It's just how I personally work.  I don't like to give myself options if I'm determined to do it one way. 

And some people see that as sanctimonious or that I think I am better/stronger/whatever than them.  It isn't.  I just know myself and know that if given the option, I will often cave and take (what I see as) the easy way out.  It's the same way when I cook.  If I am wanting to make bread from scratch, even if I haven't made the time and am desperately wanting grilled cheese I will absolutely not buy bread.  It forces me to find the time (a.k.a. not be lazy) and make bread.  Same for pancakes and waffles.  We don't use mixes, I make them from scratch and my motivation when I'm doing it is to stockpile so we can simply reheat some in the oven or toaster (waffles in the toaster work beautifully).

I do think breastfeeding, cloth diapering, and a natural birth is best.  I've come to those decisions for myself after years (yes, honestly years) of studying, researching and debating.  But they may not be the decision someone else makes, and that's fine by me.  I was bottle fed, disposable diapered and my mother had a phenomenal epidural (and 32 hours of labor...) and I came out more than fine.

I just wish women would learn that personal decisions are that...personal.  I may not agree with yours and you may think I'm idealistic.  But in the end, my decisions shouldn't affect yours or make you feel less than.   
Little Miss E,

You have a room.  With a crib.  No crib mattress because it has been super difficult picking one, but we finally decided and will be ordering that tonight.  But still, a little nursery to finish up.

I've bought the paint to paint the dresser, and will have that done soon.  I want it to look good, so I'm going to take my sweet time.  I'm still debating your bedding.  I suppose it's a good thing that in reality you won't be really sleeping in there for the first 3-4 months. 

I've been so active, moving about, and it seems to have rubbed off on you.  You spent nearly all day yesterday bumping about, and even now seem to be gently prodding me to get up and do something.  Perhaps I'll go down to the nursery and grab a book to read to you. 

And today more nursing items arrived along with a monitor so we can keep an eye on you.  I'm already not looking forward to nap times because it means you'll be away from me.  Perhaps if I'm smart and take naps then too, it'll be easier since you'll be next to me!

So soon, my sweet one. 


Friday, October 14, 2011

Tick, Tick, Tick

Our iPad app informs me that we have 41 days.  Yeah, sure.  I so don't believe it and am guessing a month at best.  Which is a little surreal.  And random...totally had a dream where my skin was practically translucent and I could see her little hands with little nails pushed up against my skin, and she was turned wrong and I just sort of manipulated her into being head down again (she's been in the ready position for the last month, with her head whoa down). 

G and I are rushing to try and get a gazillion and one things done.  We're in the process of getting new bedroom furniture but there are things that have to happen before then, so it may not be ordered until right before she gets here.  Add in needing new carpet in our bedroom (thanks to Max ripping up the edge by the door), and we're simply moving on along.

And diapers!  Holy moly!  We've got covers and all-in-ones and pockets.  Allie from Wardrobe Oxygen is mailing out the fitteds and pre-folds that I'm buying from her on Monday.  We've got snappis (used instead of pins) and wet bags and cloth wipes and a friend is even sewing me some flannel ones too.  The diaper sprayer is in the bathroom waiting until it needs to be installed.  And I won some Angel Baby Bottom Balm a while back, so that's ready to go to.  Still need to pick up the disposable liners (to be used in conjunction with the cream if needed), but otherwise I think we're pretty much set for her whole diapering life.

There is very little left on my list of things to get. We finally hunted down some mitts so she won't scratch herself, picked up a comb and brush (because the sonogram is showing a nice head of hair already), we have a thermometer and nail clippers and I'm ordering a nosefrida aspirator.  I have burt's bees baby oil and at a baby thing I went to the gift bags had a full size of the Weleda Calendula Shampoo and Body Wash.  I've got a breastpump (that turns out is reimbursable by my insurance, so yay!), glass bottles (so G can feed her sometimes and I can drink martinis on occasion), and nursing covers.  Still need to get a couple more nursing tops and pads. 

Our car seat has been in our car for a couple weeks (though we still need to figure out the latch system and get it actually installed correctly).  Our stroller is ready to go for walks.  And I have a sleepy wrap, a freehand mei tai, a linen sakura bloom (I bought when a store was closing down recently), a rockin' baby sling (we got on sale when they were switching owners), a slingling pouch sling (for when she's really little...found at a consignment store), and a Beco Gemini I won last fall at my conference.  Basically we're good to go for transportation. 

So now it's just finishing up organizing the whole home, stocking the freezer, and cleaning.  The diaper bag is getting packed with items to take to the birth center, my bag will be packed soon, and we're ready for whenever she decides she is.  Thank goodness the hypnobabies package should be here this week.  It seems just the other day I was sitting shocked that a baby we never expected to get to have was in fact already growing, and now with weeks to go, I'm just antsy to meet her little self. 

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Little Miss E,

I look forward to the day when you can read these letters.  I hope that even when you're a teenager, and the world seems topsy turvy and like no one understands how you feel that you will know you are deeply loved.

We essentially spent the whole weekend continuing to prepare for you.  I finally hunted down a few items still needed to check off the list for you.  We cleaned out most of the office and built bookcases almost all the way to the ceiling (and if your daddy gets his way they might go all the way up!).  We plan to spend a lot of time in there curled up watching movies and reading books with you.  And we're even planning to get a basket for some special toys to make having to be in there while we're working (writing) a little more special for you later.
Diapers out the wazoo!
We also did quite a bit of your laundry. Diapers, bibs, little socks, onesies and dresses galore.  We haven't even looked for the totes of clothes in the basement that are filled to the brim with baby clothes we've been collecting for years.  Strangely most of it is girl stuff.  I like to remind myself that our laundry loads will be substantially more frequent once you're here and that this is nothing.  
Your coming home sleeper is way off in the back!
And we spent time just enjoying the time of "just us two."  Except there is always 3 and you indignantly like to make your presence known.  Your daddy is almost done reading you Charlotte's Web.  And today we start really counting down the last month or so of quiet mornings we'll have.  I say that as you flip about in my belly.  So, relatively quiet.

It seems insane.  The idea that in just a little over a month you will be here, that our world will be topsy turvy for a bit.  Neither of us can fathom it (it being a brand new experience after all), but we think it will be quite lovely to finally meet you.  I think your Daddy is excited that you'll be so little in the winter when we normally spend a lot of time in the kitchen and curled up in bed together anyway.  Your first few months will be very cozy.  Lots of snuggles and just being.

But please, no hurry.  I'm just fine with you right where you are.  Safe, warm, and seemingly happy.  Take your sweet time little one, we'll be here waiting.


Friday, October 7, 2011

 Little Miss,

I remind myself every day that I am super blessed by your daddy.  That I have never seen a man so in awe and so in love with you already.  Where he is genuinely delighted by shopping for baby things, and his eyes tear up as we un-stuff diapers to wash.  I'll be the one getting up with you in the night during the week, and he's actually a bit jealous... even though he knows he has to sleep to be able to function at work. 

Your daddy has wanted a baby for a long, long time.  Yes, we like our little life, and yes you were a surprise.  But from the moment we found out we've dreamed of you and your life with us.  From trips to the park to dance classes to playing hide and seek, we look forward to all those little moments with you.  After a ton of cuddling you when you're little of course!

He saw you on the screen for the first time the other day.  You have hair!  And when I say we'll need bows, he wholeheartedly agrees.  Some men can't see past having a son, and yet he has embraced the joy that having a giggly little girl in dresses will bring.

You are incredibly loved, little one.


Tuesday, October 4, 2011

We get to see you today. Your daddy is so excited it seems he can't keep it in. It will be the first time he gets to see you on screen live. He keeps whispering to you to smile big for the camera.

I'm nervous. Trying not to be. We have to get a picture of your heart but I'm not worried about that, it's just standard (and you wouldn't turn right 10 weeks ago for them) and your heartbeat is always perfectly strong and steady. But I'm keeping my fingers crossed and saying prayers that the placenta is in the right place. Because I really don't want abdominal surgery. I just want to meet you and cuddle with you and then go home.

You'll be here next month. No matter how many times I say that aloud it never gets any less weird. We're so excited to meet you!