Acceptance

I had finally accepted that biological children just may not be in the cards for us.  And I was perfectly fine with that mostly.  Adoption wasn't a back-up option.  It's something I've always felt called to, and when I spoke to G about it, he was right on board.  Our hearts long to take in the world's children, and someday we'll make that happen. 

However, I had gone through a little mourning.  I wanted to breastfeed and wear the baby around the house and I knew adoption wouldn't make the first possible, and the latter would depend on the child's age mainly.  I accepted that I would never get that new baby smell, the itty bitty clothes.  But I also knew that any child comes with great rewards and that the excitement of the adoption would be no less exciting (or stressful) than a pregnancy. 

Then suddenly those options are back on the table.  I get to get excited about learning about breastfeeding.  I get to research the best newborn stuff.  I look at slings and see G and I at the farmer's market next summer with a baby.  I have vintage knit baby things that I can now pull out and handwash again to prepare. 

Maybe that's where God met me.  Not when I was down on my knees crying out.  But when I said okay to not being in control.  When I said yes to the idea of trying to adopt (because it's something I'm afraid of being so messy).  Because I heard Him and instead of fighting took the road of acceptance that things are not in my time.  I guess He just wanted to remind me that it is all in His time. 

And really, I'm okay with His timing. :)