I had finally accepted that biological children just may not be in the cards for us. And I was perfectly fine with that mostly. Adoption wasn't a back-up option. It's something I've always felt called to, and when I spoke to G about it, he was right on board. Our hearts long to take in the world's children, and someday we'll make that happen.
However, I had gone through a little mourning. I wanted to breastfeed and wear the baby around the house and I knew adoption wouldn't make the first possible, and the latter would depend on the child's age mainly. I accepted that I would never get that new baby smell, the itty bitty clothes. But I also knew that any child comes with great rewards and that the excitement of the adoption would be no less exciting (or stressful) than a pregnancy.
Then suddenly those options are back on the table. I get to get excited about learning about breastfeeding. I get to research the best newborn stuff. I look at slings and see G and I at the farmer's market next summer with a baby. I have vintage knit baby things that I can now pull out and handwash again to prepare.
Maybe that's where God met me. Not when I was down on my knees crying out. But when I said okay to not being in control. When I said yes to the idea of trying to adopt (because it's something I'm afraid of being so messy). Because I heard Him and instead of fighting took the road of acceptance that things are not in my time. I guess He just wanted to remind me that it is all in His time.
And really, I'm okay with His timing. :)