Meeting a Midwife

I had my first appointment at the MidWifery today.  Got to meet another midwife there (met another when I toured), who was absolutely lovely.  She was relaxed, and got excited about G coming home.  I'm so glad I've switched.  Even if we have to pay some out of pocket (we're still waiting to find out how much our insurance will cover), it is totally worth it.

One of the reasons I'm glad that we've switched have to do with their way of handling me.  They answer questions easily, and they listen to me.  My OB didn't want to hear about why I didn't need a huge shot because G is Rh- as well, because without him home to "prove" it, they told me that doctors would be wary of treating me.  Um, my husband's military, his blood type is a huge thing and we happened to get lucky and have the same type (which is a more rare type). The midwife seemed to think this was b.s. and would love to help me avoid that painful shot.

I am really hoping that it works out and I don't end up needing a c-section.  But if I do... 4 of the 5 midwives are actually licensed in a way where they would be in there helping with the surgery, so I'd have someone I trusted.  And if I'm lucky and don't need one, I'll be able to spend time laboring in a nice whirlpool with G and me just relaxing with music.

And then there are the more quirky things.  Once her head is out, G will be allowed to catch her.  He's whoa thrilled about this.  My only stipulation is that he allows me to take my sweet time getting her shoulders out and just simply catches her as she slides into his arms.  I would like to avoid tearing, thankyouverymuch.  Afterward, if everything checks out, we'll be out of there within about 5 hours.  Just enough time to feed her, feed myself, and maybe have the 3 of us curl up in the big real bed to nap.  (They encourage you to bring snacks for during and a meal to heat up for after so I'm not ravenous!)

Now we just need to hunt down a pediatrician and I feel like we're closer to her being here.  Still need to prep our house, put a deposit down for newborn photos, and test carseats in our car.  But overall, I'd say we're moving right along.

* Oh, and I gained almost a whole pound these last 4 weeks. Ha!  I'm beginning to get a little worried about my clothes being too big after she gets here.

Prep School

I'm so excited for G to be home soon.  September is going to be a whirlwind though, as we continue prepping for this little girl.  Between readying the house, taking classes, hopefully doing the hypnobabies, and gathering up items we'll need... it's going to be exhausting!

I ordered a deluxe boppy a couple weeks ago on a super discount sale, getting it for $26 instead of the $50 it normally would have cost me.  Then this weekend I saw someone on freecycle was offering a barely used deluxe my brest friend pillow.  I had been wanting to try one of those too (they are the most recommended by lactation consultants), but at $50 I couldn't justify it just as a way to see which worked best for me.  But I picked it up tonight and it looks like she might have tried it and decided it wasn't for her, because it's in perfect condition!  So excited!

G is totally in support of breastfeeding.  It's the best nutrition-wise, and though I expect that it might be rough and a little painful to start, it's something I really want to do.  It doesn't hurt that it will save us a ton of money on formula and later milk.  I'm hoping to at least pump for her until she's 2. 

We will be attempting after a couple months to get her to take a bottle of breastmilk as well.  That way mama can have nights out with daddy staying in for some daddy-daughter time.  It will also make date nights a bit easier later on.  We've got a ton of 4 oz. bottles and plan to pick up some 8 oz. ones later (we're going with the old fashioned evenflo glass ones after seeing how easy they are to hook up to the pumps). 

The best thing I can think to do for breastfeeding is to make friends with moms who can help me keep my sanity if I'm wanting to quit.  I'll be heading to La Leche League meetings before she's here, taking classes, and I've already made friends with other moms who have breastfed before (or are right now).  Between that and G willing to do whatever I need to get through the first 6 weeks (that I've heard are the hardest), hopefully we'll be a-okay. 

Active Duty

I thought the title apt as your daddy will be re-enlisting quite soon, thereby staying on active duty, and you little miss couldn't be kicking more if you were trying to impress FIFA (soccer reference).  I like to feel you move about, imagining you twirling and dancing.  You seem to sleep like me, always trying to find a comfy new position.  I was hoping you slept more like your daddy.  Keeping my fingers crossed.

Last night you did this thing where you must have been stretching rather than flipping because it was a firm and slower push against my arm.  But mostly you were causing my belly to do the wave.  Daddy couldn't really see it on skype and has since said he plans to keep his hands on my belly as often as possible just in case you move.  Please feel free to move often when we're sitting or lying.  I think us walking around attached like that might look funny and cause us to trip!

In a couple of days it will be exactly 3 months until you're "supposed" to be here.  Guesswork, all of it.  Feel free to drop out at any time around then.  If you're late then we'll just say you're fashionably late and we can discuss promptness when you're a bit older.  As long as you're here before Christmas (which is 4 months away!), we'll be fine.  Wouldn't want you to miss the lights and your mama fighting her exhaustion to bake, now would we?

You will be the best little gift this year.  And other than the little things I have in mind for your daddy (shhh... I'd tell you, but I fully expect you'd tell him), we're not doing gifts this year.  You are more than enough, my little one.

Baby, I like it when you dance around.  How you flip about as your daddy and I talk about our big dreams of getting out of the city and moving to some place where the wind blows the ancient trees.  Where we sit on the porch drinking sweet tea by candlelight while you ride your tricycle up and down the length of it.  Curling up in a window seat with coffee and watching snowflakes fall.  Plenty of room for sleigh rides and snow men and memories.

Who would have ever guessed my heart would change?  That I'd love the cafes and the noise of the city but dream of a tiny town where our family can grow wild like the garden I desire?  Where we walk to fish and pick wild berries.  Where Christmas means church and a big Christmas party with candles in every window and fresh wreaths on all the doors. And blazing fires in all the hearths.

We keep that in our minds, our dream oasis for the 3 of us.  We'll get there.  And you seem just as excited as we are. 

One of our favorite poems in this home is by e.e. cummings and is called "i carry your heart."  We often sign off e-mails or letters with those sentiments.  So it struck me that perhaps that explains little miss's behavior.

You see, she seems to wake up usually when I'm speaking with G on skype.  Well enough that he's actually been able to see my stomach hop as she bumps around in there.  And since I carry him in my heart and carry her beneath my heart, perhaps she's getting to know him better than we imagine!

I hope so.  I hope to raise a daughter who admires her father, a true daddy's girl.  I hope that she and I are close, but I hope that by things like daddy daughter dates and time for just the two of them, to instill in her a special relationship with him.

I carry your heart G, and your daughter as well!  May you have an amazing relationship all your lives.

Annoyances and Worries

I'm supposed to call and schedule another ultrasound.  The reason is stupid and I don't really want to.  Basically, though the technician put that everything looked perfectly fine, because she couldn't take a clear picture of escargot's heart before (due to her screwy positioning), they want me to go back in.  Part of me feels like telling them it's not going to happen.  The heart sounds fine, it's looked fine, and I have to have ultrasounds later, so I'd prefer to postpone it until then.  If there is a heart problem there isn't anything we can do about it until she's here, so why not wait until she's a little bigger?

I have to go for another ultrasound near the end of my pregnancy because before my placenta was looking low.  G and I have been saying lots of prayers, because if it doesn't pull up, we'll be having a c-section, which is something I absolutely don't want unless it's 100% necessary.  However, if it's too low lying, it could kill me (hemorrhaging out) as well as put lil miss at risk, neither of which I want to do.

I've had such an easy pregnancy that this worry is so small.  I keep telling myself there is nothing I can do to change things if it doesn't turn out how I want.  It makes me sad, because once you've had this issue once, it's probably going to happen the next time.  I want to birth naturally and go home soon after, and because of this issue that may never happen.  It's frustrating, but once again, what can you do? :)

The most important things are: I live and lil miss comes out okay.  All the other stuff really won't matter as much.  But I'm praying and keeping my fingers crossed anyway!

Dear Little Miss,

I whisper to you the names we're considering, seeing how they sound.  I test out songs with nicknames and imagine what you'll look like.  Only a little over 3 months to go, which sometimes shocks me.  Seems like it was just the other day I was at church and it hit me that I needed to get a test because I was suddenly positive I was pregnant.  Your daddy still thinks you're this little miracle, this laughing sprite from God. 

I pray over my belly.  I pray about the future, about the difficult years I know all parents go through, trying to balance love with lessons.  Your daddy and I talk about how to show you God, how to teach you the lessons we feel are important.  We talk about family prayer times and patience and love.  Mostly love.

Today we sat and discussed books to read to you.  I imagine read the "Anne of Green Gables" series, and planning a family vacation to Prince Edward Island.  Your dad talks of "Are You My Mother?" and "Where The Wild Things Are."  He wants to read you "Little Women" but doesn't want to step on my toes (he fell in love with it this last year, reading it for the first time).  I laugh and remind him it's long, and perhaps we'll all read it together, taking turns. 

I'm sitting here drinking coffee, waiting for you to wake up in an hour and a half or so.  It's your normal time, something I've gotten used to.  If I'm up later, such as at 4 a.m. that's another favorite time I can count on.  It's worrisome, because I know it's possible this will be a consistent thing once you're born, but luckily I'm a night owl and don't mind... we'll just try and be quiet so daddy can sleep.  Although, I'll warn you ahead of time, don't be offended if your crying doesn't stir him... he sleeps like a log. 

I'm in no hurry for you to arrive most of the time.  I like this time of preparation, this time to dream.  But when it gets closer I imagine I'll get antsy, wanting you to get here so we can finally see your little face. 

Love,
Mama

Girly Girl

"She's gonna be a girly girl, " G says smiling.  And my heart melts.  This man loves "his girls" and can't imagine life differently.  "Hello Rose Marie!" he says, glimpsing my stomach.

She may indeed be a girly girl, but one thing is for sure: she's gonna be a daddy's girl.  I can already see her scrambling into his lap for stories and whispering secrets.  Butterfly kisses and twirling.  Tiny pearls and flowers in her hair.

We didn't care what you were gonna be, because we knew that who you would be is an amazing child.  But I think your daddy is thrilled at the idea of a little girl.  After all, he's expecting you to take after me, and we already know how much he adores me.  You're gonna have him wrapped around your tiny pinky in no time.

Who am I kidding, he already admits he is. 

Marriage Proposal

G has been so goofy lately.  He's excited to come home to "his girls" and has been a little loopy.  Frequently he says, "Will you marry me and have my babies?"

Yes, always.

And even if I said no... isn't it a bit late? :)