To insure that people (ahem, my mother) didn't hound me about the baby anymore, I sort of said we were done with trying to figure out the sex. But I knew that I was going back this week to look one last time to see if I could find out for Garret.
I opened the envelope with G on skype, where he actually saw it first. And then we were both crying and laughing because this woman is having a little girl!!!
I had sort of thought it would be a boy and so figured that I needed to get over wanting to put a baby in a tutu. We didn't really care what it was, but let's be honest, girls just have more fun things! So I'll be sewing little mary janes and making flower headbands and little dresses! (although honestly, with my niece, I seriously have PLENTY of girls clothes!)
She's been very active today, I think from the excitement of us finally knowing it's a her! Garret is hoping she looks just like her mama, and I'm excited to have a little daddy's girl. Bring on the ribbons and pearls!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Dear Sanctimommies,
I know, I know... you've had a child and you totally know what you're talking about. However, this is my pregnancy and while I might ask your advice I don't want it unwarranted on things that are quite frankly none of your business.
First, coffee. Why yes, I do drink it. In fact, I might even have coffee or tea every day on a good week. But I'm also these two things called well read and educated. I know how much coffee (not just in cups, but in mg of caffeine) I should be able to have a day. I don't tend to exceed that. My kid seems to like caffeine and will probably be drinking it from an early age (mostly milk) just like I did. No, it clearly didn't stunt the growth of myself or my siblings. And hey, I'm even taking extra folic acid to insure even my small caffeine use doesn't hurt my child's development. So back. the. hell. off.
Wine. Oh yes, the one thing that will get your dirty looks quicker than you can finish ordering a glass. This is a debatable topic, but I don't feel like debating you. Suffice to say, I feel comfortable having a small glass every blue moon. I abstained entirely my first tri-mester (when the beautiful brain is really forming), and have since hitting my second trimester had a few small glasses. My husband and I plan to celebrate his homecoming with a glass of very nice champagne. Just be glad that I'm not drinking the grey goose in the freezer! I would just about kill for a bloody mary right about now, and am trying to figure out the best way to make a virgin version of mine.
If all goes well, I plan to have a natural birth, and be headed home in less than 6 hours after doing so. I'm glad you loved your epidural. But if you'd like to avoid a lecture on drugs and why they aren't a good thing I suggest you stop suggesting that I'm going to want them. I may indeed, but I'm stubborn, and it's highly doubtful I'll actually asked to be transferred to a hospital to get them.
I think what I love most is that you guys come at me from both sides. The crunchy ones are glad I'm planning to cloth diaper, breastfeed, stay home, and babywear, but holy hell, why am I not co-sleeping until they're 10?!? The modern ones are thrilled I'm standing up for my rights as a mother, but holy hell how can I possibly give up my life and independence and not work and am I insane not birthing in a hospital?!?
I respect your right to parent as you see fit within the boundaries of the law. If you ask my opinion I'll give it, but otherwise, to each their own. So please grant me that same courtesy unless you'd like me to quit extending it as well.
Love,
Moi
I know, I know... you've had a child and you totally know what you're talking about. However, this is my pregnancy and while I might ask your advice I don't want it unwarranted on things that are quite frankly none of your business.
First, coffee. Why yes, I do drink it. In fact, I might even have coffee or tea every day on a good week. But I'm also these two things called well read and educated. I know how much coffee (not just in cups, but in mg of caffeine) I should be able to have a day. I don't tend to exceed that. My kid seems to like caffeine and will probably be drinking it from an early age (mostly milk) just like I did. No, it clearly didn't stunt the growth of myself or my siblings. And hey, I'm even taking extra folic acid to insure even my small caffeine use doesn't hurt my child's development. So back. the. hell. off.
Wine. Oh yes, the one thing that will get your dirty looks quicker than you can finish ordering a glass. This is a debatable topic, but I don't feel like debating you. Suffice to say, I feel comfortable having a small glass every blue moon. I abstained entirely my first tri-mester (when the beautiful brain is really forming), and have since hitting my second trimester had a few small glasses. My husband and I plan to celebrate his homecoming with a glass of very nice champagne. Just be glad that I'm not drinking the grey goose in the freezer! I would just about kill for a bloody mary right about now, and am trying to figure out the best way to make a virgin version of mine.
If all goes well, I plan to have a natural birth, and be headed home in less than 6 hours after doing so. I'm glad you loved your epidural. But if you'd like to avoid a lecture on drugs and why they aren't a good thing I suggest you stop suggesting that I'm going to want them. I may indeed, but I'm stubborn, and it's highly doubtful I'll actually asked to be transferred to a hospital to get them.
I think what I love most is that you guys come at me from both sides. The crunchy ones are glad I'm planning to cloth diaper, breastfeed, stay home, and babywear, but holy hell, why am I not co-sleeping until they're 10?!? The modern ones are thrilled I'm standing up for my rights as a mother, but holy hell how can I possibly give up my life and independence and not work and am I insane not birthing in a hospital?!?
I respect your right to parent as you see fit within the boundaries of the law. If you ask my opinion I'll give it, but otherwise, to each their own. So please grant me that same courtesy unless you'd like me to quit extending it as well.
Love,
Moi
Monday, July 11, 2011
Thumpity Thump Thump
For a while I thought perhaps you only moved on screen because I hear that dang sonogram thing is loud. Everyone kept asking me if I had felt you. When I would respond no, they would tell me what it was supposed to feel like, as if I hadn't read it a billion times anxiously awaiting it. I knew what it was supposed to feel like, and I simply felt nothing.
I know my body well. I take care of it, and I know it's sounds and gurgles and movement. So last night (really 4:35 a.m.) when I felt like something had tapped my stomach from the inside I paused. I moved the computer so it wasn't in the way, and I waited. And then you did it again.
It was delightful. You had apparently chosen to skip the simple butterfly/little fishy type movements. I was getting poked at, repeatedly. When you quieted down later, I gently pressed in where you had been, massaging what had earlier been an excruciatingly painful abdomen muscle. And as soon as I quit you began poking at me again, readjusting, settling in for the night. I told your Daddy that you were either a very early bird or more of a night owl like your mama. He's decided that you're probably a night owl... particularly because we do like our afternoon coffee, don't we?
Tonight you've poked and prodded a bit, and now I'm getting the gentle flipping/swimming movements I wasn't before. It's nice to know you're in there. It's weird to know I can feel when you're up and moving. Just another 4 1/2 months Escargot, and you'll be here.
I know my body well. I take care of it, and I know it's sounds and gurgles and movement. So last night (really 4:35 a.m.) when I felt like something had tapped my stomach from the inside I paused. I moved the computer so it wasn't in the way, and I waited. And then you did it again.
It was delightful. You had apparently chosen to skip the simple butterfly/little fishy type movements. I was getting poked at, repeatedly. When you quieted down later, I gently pressed in where you had been, massaging what had earlier been an excruciatingly painful abdomen muscle. And as soon as I quit you began poking at me again, readjusting, settling in for the night. I told your Daddy that you were either a very early bird or more of a night owl like your mama. He's decided that you're probably a night owl... particularly because we do like our afternoon coffee, don't we?
Tonight you've poked and prodded a bit, and now I'm getting the gentle flipping/swimming movements I wasn't before. It's nice to know you're in there. It's weird to know I can feel when you're up and moving. Just another 4 1/2 months Escargot, and you'll be here.
Friday, July 8, 2011
20 Weeks
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
It feels like it's happening all over again. I sat in the bathroom today at the doctor's office just crying and crying until my face was ruddy. All because this stubborn child has decided that they would prefer to be a yogi and sit cross legged with their feet up in their crotch the whole time. They were moving a lot... just without uncrossing their legs enough to get a good look.
And the thing is I don't really care. I wasn't sure I wanted to know anyway, and if G were here, he would have found out and I would have been in the dark. But because he's gone, I'm finding out for him... or not. Because I don't want to do anymore of these. It feels like trying to get pregnant all over again.
When we were ttc before, it was hell. If we told anyone, suddenly we were being asked all the time if we were (and this was after previously being hounded about when we were going to try for kids... horrific when you secretly are and it isn't working out). I'm super cautious to not do that to friends because I know how painful it can be to smile and say "not yet" even though it's like a knife. The well intentioned advice that stings. The calls you send to voicemail. The people who insinuate something might be wrong, when you really don't need to hear that.
So that's kind of how it is now. People want to know. But we won't. Baby has clearly decided to keep us all guessing. And seeing as how today almost had me in a puddle in the bathroom because I didn't want to have to tell anyone, I think it's for the best.
And the thing is I don't really care. I wasn't sure I wanted to know anyway, and if G were here, he would have found out and I would have been in the dark. But because he's gone, I'm finding out for him... or not. Because I don't want to do anymore of these. It feels like trying to get pregnant all over again.
When we were ttc before, it was hell. If we told anyone, suddenly we were being asked all the time if we were (and this was after previously being hounded about when we were going to try for kids... horrific when you secretly are and it isn't working out). I'm super cautious to not do that to friends because I know how painful it can be to smile and say "not yet" even though it's like a knife. The well intentioned advice that stings. The calls you send to voicemail. The people who insinuate something might be wrong, when you really don't need to hear that.
So that's kind of how it is now. People want to know. But we won't. Baby has clearly decided to keep us all guessing. And seeing as how today almost had me in a puddle in the bathroom because I didn't want to have to tell anyone, I think it's for the best.
Momentarily Giggling
So, if you're reading this, I expect you understand that at times things will be either awkward or TMI. So, let's talk breasts. Three things I did not know/understand before this pregnancy:
* Your breasts will hurt off and on the whole time. If my nipples get hard (which for me happens with any coldness at all, and I'm cold often) they are tender enough I think G will get slapped if he touches them. Why does no one mention they're like instant turn offs?
* Your areolas (the colored part) will get huge like saucers. I have been calling them African tribe breasts for over a month now. I'm going to go ahead and assume it's so that part sticks out so your near blind baby can find the spot.
* My boobs haven't gotten bigger so much as they've gotten fuller. Imagine basically them becoming less soft and womanly and more round like someone with implants.
Which is what has me laughing. I mean, who knew that all these women are walking around with what is essentially pregnant boobs they paid for? Because they're aiming for youthful, but no youth is this full! It made me giggle for quite a while.
* Your breasts will hurt off and on the whole time. If my nipples get hard (which for me happens with any coldness at all, and I'm cold often) they are tender enough I think G will get slapped if he touches them. Why does no one mention they're like instant turn offs?
* Your areolas (the colored part) will get huge like saucers. I have been calling them African tribe breasts for over a month now. I'm going to go ahead and assume it's so that part sticks out so your near blind baby can find the spot.
* My boobs haven't gotten bigger so much as they've gotten fuller. Imagine basically them becoming less soft and womanly and more round like someone with implants.
Which is what has me laughing. I mean, who knew that all these women are walking around with what is essentially pregnant boobs they paid for? Because they're aiming for youthful, but no youth is this full! It made me giggle for quite a while.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Dear Little One,
You sit low in me, probably asleep. I'm watching Far and Away and finishing up your baby blanket. It's now got a border on it and is nearly done. Thank goodness I turned out to be a quick knitter... I've only really worked on this blanket a total of maybe 3 days.
I love watching this movie, even though most of it doesn't take place in Ireland. It makes me dream of the day you and your siblings will be able to dig in dark earth and discover what it means to watch something you planted grow big and tall and feed you. Your daddy and I each long for some land, to work it, to make it rich so that it feeds us well.
We talk about moving to a small village in the county Cork, but I'd be satisfied with being able to recreate that here. Some horses, a cow or two, goats, chickens, ducks. And a couple acres to plant things on. Your mama was cutting down watermelon tonight because I'm pickling the rind. Never having had it, I'm interested to see how it tastes. I want these sorts of memories for you. Us in the kitchen baking and canning. Homemade jam on your homemade bread.
I dream of a simpler life for us. I hope you will appreciate the childhood we'll be trying to give you. We already love you so much.
Love,
Mama
You sit low in me, probably asleep. I'm watching Far and Away and finishing up your baby blanket. It's now got a border on it and is nearly done. Thank goodness I turned out to be a quick knitter... I've only really worked on this blanket a total of maybe 3 days.
Love,
Mama
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