Petit Escargot,
Well, the secret is out. And you're world famous! Even our favorite tea room in England congratulated us. (Someday Mama will make you scones with clotted cream and jam and we'll drink tea.)
I got to see you yesterday. Kicking and dancing. I am certain you are having a good ol' time in there!
We can't wait to meet you!
Love,
Mama
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Thump Thump
This Tuesday I go to see the doctor again. I'm far enough along (10 weeks by conception date) that we should be able to hear a strong heartbeat. I'm planning to film it so that G can see it.
I'm so excited and nervous and just still in awe of this whole thing. I love that this baby was a complete surprise. No worries, no waiting for a positive test only to have it be negative, only absolute and beautiful joy. I will someday tell this child about how they were the best surprise their parents ever were given.
So I'm looking forward to hearing the heart that I carry underneath my own. Strong and steady.
I'm so excited and nervous and just still in awe of this whole thing. I love that this baby was a complete surprise. No worries, no waiting for a positive test only to have it be negative, only absolute and beautiful joy. I will someday tell this child about how they were the best surprise their parents ever were given.
So I'm looking forward to hearing the heart that I carry underneath my own. Strong and steady.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Dear Little Escargot,
You are making your mama very, very tired. Things that used to be nothing (like baking a cake) have suddenly become an ordeal. But I'm sure you'll make up for it when you get here and can "help" me make cakes.
Your daddy and I were talking yesterday and I told him that when I imagine you I think of a little snail munching on lettuce. He said it was cute and said, "munch, munch, munch." I told him that no, you were a very little snail and it was more like, "nibble, nibble, nibble."
We're hoping to hear your heartbeat next week. Most people say it sounds like horses galloping, but I think it will sound like, "nibble, nibble, nibble."
You just keep growing big and strong baby. Mama doesn't mind naps in the least.
Love,
Mama
You are making your mama very, very tired. Things that used to be nothing (like baking a cake) have suddenly become an ordeal. But I'm sure you'll make up for it when you get here and can "help" me make cakes.
Your daddy and I were talking yesterday and I told him that when I imagine you I think of a little snail munching on lettuce. He said it was cute and said, "munch, munch, munch." I told him that no, you were a very little snail and it was more like, "nibble, nibble, nibble."
We're hoping to hear your heartbeat next week. Most people say it sounds like horses galloping, but I think it will sound like, "nibble, nibble, nibble."
You just keep growing big and strong baby. Mama doesn't mind naps in the least.
Love,
Mama
Friday, April 15, 2011
Acceptance
I had finally accepted that biological children just may not be in the cards for us. And I was perfectly fine with that mostly. Adoption wasn't a back-up option. It's something I've always felt called to, and when I spoke to G about it, he was right on board. Our hearts long to take in the world's children, and someday we'll make that happen.
However, I had gone through a little mourning. I wanted to breastfeed and wear the baby around the house and I knew adoption wouldn't make the first possible, and the latter would depend on the child's age mainly. I accepted that I would never get that new baby smell, the itty bitty clothes. But I also knew that any child comes with great rewards and that the excitement of the adoption would be no less exciting (or stressful) than a pregnancy.
Then suddenly those options are back on the table. I get to get excited about learning about breastfeeding. I get to research the best newborn stuff. I look at slings and see G and I at the farmer's market next summer with a baby. I have vintage knit baby things that I can now pull out and handwash again to prepare.
Maybe that's where God met me. Not when I was down on my knees crying out. But when I said okay to not being in control. When I said yes to the idea of trying to adopt (because it's something I'm afraid of being so messy). Because I heard Him and instead of fighting took the road of acceptance that things are not in my time. I guess He just wanted to remind me that it is all in His time.
And really, I'm okay with His timing. :)
However, I had gone through a little mourning. I wanted to breastfeed and wear the baby around the house and I knew adoption wouldn't make the first possible, and the latter would depend on the child's age mainly. I accepted that I would never get that new baby smell, the itty bitty clothes. But I also knew that any child comes with great rewards and that the excitement of the adoption would be no less exciting (or stressful) than a pregnancy.
Then suddenly those options are back on the table. I get to get excited about learning about breastfeeding. I get to research the best newborn stuff. I look at slings and see G and I at the farmer's market next summer with a baby. I have vintage knit baby things that I can now pull out and handwash again to prepare.
Maybe that's where God met me. Not when I was down on my knees crying out. But when I said okay to not being in control. When I said yes to the idea of trying to adopt (because it's something I'm afraid of being so messy). Because I heard Him and instead of fighting took the road of acceptance that things are not in my time. I guess He just wanted to remind me that it is all in His time.
And really, I'm okay with His timing. :)
Thursday, April 14, 2011
My Petite Escargot,
I cannot wait to hold you at church. To slowly teach you about how you are a child of God. To hear you sing songs and teach you to pray. But mostly to teach you the most important lesson of all: that God loves you no matter what just because you're you.
Daddy and I are so excited to do this. He calls you our little miracle and we talk excitedly about the Christmas and Easter seasons. Teaching you about this man called Jesus and why we celebrate his birth and death. I'm guessing you'll teach us more about Jesus than we could teach you. We know for sure that our hearts are expanding in our capacity for love rather rapidly because of you.
You are the answer to the prayer I was afraid to pray. You are the deepest wish of my heart that I was afraid to whisper. If anything I hope to teach you to not be afraid, to cry out and say aloud what your dreams are. Because God already knows them. That's why he gave us you!
Love,
Maman
I cannot wait to hold you at church. To slowly teach you about how you are a child of God. To hear you sing songs and teach you to pray. But mostly to teach you the most important lesson of all: that God loves you no matter what just because you're you.
Daddy and I are so excited to do this. He calls you our little miracle and we talk excitedly about the Christmas and Easter seasons. Teaching you about this man called Jesus and why we celebrate his birth and death. I'm guessing you'll teach us more about Jesus than we could teach you. We know for sure that our hearts are expanding in our capacity for love rather rapidly because of you.
You are the answer to the prayer I was afraid to pray. You are the deepest wish of my heart that I was afraid to whisper. If anything I hope to teach you to not be afraid, to cry out and say aloud what your dreams are. Because God already knows them. That's why he gave us you!
Love,
Maman
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Things I Am Loving
* Getting weird looks for my food habits. Why yes I am eating a hamburger and french fries that I'm washing down with hot cocoa. No, not just because I'm pregnant. I happen to always eat odd things.
* Being able to give myself a break when my kitchen looks like something exploded. I made buttermilk biscuits. That flour on the counter will probably be there overnight. Eh. Whatever.
* Getting to have this time where the husband and I are all giddy and chatty about everything. Our little snail has caused us to have to rearrange some major plans over this next year (like types of college courses and a trip to Paris). So worth it.
* Laughing at names. I vetoed Alice. I brought up that it made me think of maids and trippy Disney films. Strangely I just realized that both characters wear blue dresses and aprons. Creepy.
* Being on my own schedule. I can eat and sleep whenever I want, and I think the escargot likes that just fine.
* Having this time to myself. I'm in that "I don't look pregnant" phase. And while some might wish they were showing, I'm reveling in walking around with the secret of it. It feels like those cup handed whispers of my youth only just between my body and me.
* Being able to give myself a break when my kitchen looks like something exploded. I made buttermilk biscuits. That flour on the counter will probably be there overnight. Eh. Whatever.
* Getting to have this time where the husband and I are all giddy and chatty about everything. Our little snail has caused us to have to rearrange some major plans over this next year (like types of college courses and a trip to Paris). So worth it.
* Laughing at names. I vetoed Alice. I brought up that it made me think of maids and trippy Disney films. Strangely I just realized that both characters wear blue dresses and aprons. Creepy.
* Being on my own schedule. I can eat and sleep whenever I want, and I think the escargot likes that just fine.
* Having this time to myself. I'm in that "I don't look pregnant" phase. And while some might wish they were showing, I'm reveling in walking around with the secret of it. It feels like those cup handed whispers of my youth only just between my body and me.
Things I Like To Eat
* Fruit: bananas, kiwi, grapefruit, apples, grapes galore
* Heinz baked beans....I'm eating it by the canful (which thankfully is 300 calories, so I'm at least getting calories somewhere).
* String cheese
* Pickles
* Milk, milk, and more milk
* Water with a splash of black cherry juice
* Chai tea latte
* Soup (thanks to my Monday group)
Sounds limiting. I've eaten hamburgers which never stay down. I roasted a chicken last week and it's getting disassembled and frozen because it is uneatable right now. I am thinking of making pasta with a tomato sauce tonight. Something simple, healthy and yummy. Maybe adding a bit of roasted chicken and a side of steamed broccoli. I'm trying my best to be a good shell for this little one. Taking care of the baby has helped to remind me to take care of myself.
*EDIT* Decided to skip the pasta tonight and do fresh salmon roasted with a little lime juice and sea salt with a side of steamed broccoli. Surprisingly delicious. I have enough salmon for the rest of the week! (Bought about 12 oz. which is the max I should be eating in a week.)
* Heinz baked beans....I'm eating it by the canful (which thankfully is 300 calories, so I'm at least getting calories somewhere).
* String cheese
* Pickles
* Milk, milk, and more milk
* Water with a splash of black cherry juice
* Chai tea latte
* Soup (thanks to my Monday group)
Sounds limiting. I've eaten hamburgers which never stay down. I roasted a chicken last week and it's getting disassembled and frozen because it is uneatable right now. I am thinking of making pasta with a tomato sauce tonight. Something simple, healthy and yummy. Maybe adding a bit of roasted chicken and a side of steamed broccoli. I'm trying my best to be a good shell for this little one. Taking care of the baby has helped to remind me to take care of myself.
*EDIT* Decided to skip the pasta tonight and do fresh salmon roasted with a little lime juice and sea salt with a side of steamed broccoli. Surprisingly delicious. I have enough salmon for the rest of the week! (Bought about 12 oz. which is the max I should be eating in a week.)
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